He is the Absolute, She is the Other

I'd like to start off with a bit of background to this post to give you, the reader, a bit of context or information about the topic. During my time at school, I took a philosophy elective where we studied various philosophers and their works. I was enthralled with Simone DeBeauvoir's work and writing about women and feminism. I resonated specifically with her writings about how woman identify strongly with their sex and it makes up a large part of who they are. In the introduction of her book, The Second Sex I was intrigued by this passage:

"I must first of all say: ‘I am a woman’; on this truth must be based all further discussion. A man never begins by presenting himself as an individual of a certain sex; it goes without saying that he is a man" - Simone DeBeauvoir, The Second Sex

It never really occurred to me that men didn't need to present or identify themselves as a man, it just goes without saying. But being a woman, is a huge part of my identity and how I choose to present myself to the world.

So I'd like to ask this question to myself and to other woman in the gaming community;

Why do we choose to hide this big part of our identity online?

When I started online gaming with friends, I didn't really think much of my display name and just decided to put my own name, Erica. I was identifying as a woman and displaying that to others. I quickly realized this to be a mistake as when people noticed this, I faced constant beratement and harassments from others online, the majority being men. I was rather new to the game so I can't say I was able to play particularly well, but while trying to learn a new game, harassment from my teammates didn't make it any easier.

I found it quite distressing the amount of toxicity was directed towards me simply because my display name was that of a girl's. I never spoke in game once, but since that part of my identity was out there, it was assumed and judged accordingly.

I've since changed my display names multiple times to try and hide away this part of my identity and refuse to speak in game in fear of facing unrelenting harassments. I makes me a bit sad that I have to hide away such a large part of what makes up my identity because of the culture surrounding online gaming communities.

I sometimes choose to reveal myself when I am playing 'well' as I'm not afraid to be placed into the stereotype of being bad at video games because I am a woman if I'm popping off. But this makes it that much more hard on my mental when I'm not having a good game. I get into my own head, thinking to myself, they're going to think it's because I'm a woman. I feel as though I'm letting down other women in gaming by falling into this stereotype that we're bad at video games and it's hard to just let myself have a bad game every once in a while.

I'd like to take another look back on DeBeauvoir's work and her thoughts on how men and women identify themselves. A man can simply have a bad game because he's not playing well or just not feeling it, but a woman will have a bad game because she is a woman.

"In the midst of an abstract discussion it is vexing to hear a man say: ‘You think thus and so because you are a woman’; but I know that my only defense is to reply: ‘I think thus and so because it is true,’ thereby removing my subjective self from the argument. It would be out of the question to reply: ‘And you think the contrary because you are a man’, for it is understood that the fact of being a man is no peculiarity." - Simeone DeBeauvoir, The Second Sex

I can't just have a bad game for the sake of having a bad game, in the eyes of the people I am playing with, I am having a bad game because I am a woman. It's upsetting a rather detrimental to my mental while playing as I can get really down on myself and totally ruin my mood.

Although an unfortunate reality that thousands of women face daily, I hope that the gaming community and culture can start to shift and be more accepting to women. We should feel comfortable expressing ourselves in gaming spaces as much as our male counterparts. The few times I have spoken in game with people I've deemed to be accepting, I've actually had a lot of fun and am able to relay critical information much faster! I hope that this can become the norm for myself and other women while gaming. I know toxicity cannot be completely removed from online games as it is deeply rooted in its culture, but I hope people can learn to be more accepting to others!

Flame me because I'm not playing well, don't flame me because I'm a woman :)